


I Could Grow From This (But Not Today)

by AnAceOfHearts



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alex Mercer Has Anxiety (Julie and the Phantoms), Alex Mercer/Willie-centric (Julie and The Phantoms), Angst, Angst and Feels, Canon Divergent, Episode: s01e08 Unsaid Emily, I steal some dialogue from canon but otherwise its, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Panic Attacks, Pre-Scene: The Orpheum Performance 2020 (Julie and The Phantoms), The Orpheum, Willie Loves Alex Mercer (Julie and The Phantoms), and its just in the middle of canon so yeah, based on a tumblr prompt, just your daily reminder, no beta we die like lesbians, oh yeah rated teen bc I swear a few times, or sunset curve, so if thats harmful to your mental health then please take care of yourself <3, sorry if this is a bit ooc but I project on Alex a LOT and it probably shows in this fic, theres not a happy ending exactly but Alex is angsting and gets comforted by his bf, warning most of this is about Alex having a panic attack, whichever you prefer, willie is a good boyfriend and I am soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:53:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28605528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnAceOfHearts/pseuds/AnAceOfHearts
Summary: Willie. The ghost that got them into this mess to begin with. Alex knew he should be annoyed, he should be mad, he should tell himyesand poof away.And yet.He couldn't bring himself to be any of those things. Because even though Willie was the one who got them into this whole mess, he was stillWillie.Sweet, thoughtful, caring (andcute,not to mention) Willie. Willie, the ghost that might've gotten them into this mess, but only because he wanted to helphimthem.~~~Alternatively:The Willex scene at the beginning of Unsaid Emily goes a little bit differently because I am gay and angsty and I got a tumblr prompt, and Willie helps Alex through a Caleb-related panic attack.
Relationships: Alex Mercer/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 93





	I Could Grow From This (But Not Today)

**Author's Note:**

> A prompt fill for [ anon](https://julie-and-the-himbo-ghosts.tumblr.com/post/639445256896659456/hello-id-like-to-ask-for-a-prompt-please-for), who requested "Hey, look at me. Focus on me, alright?" for Willex! Hope you like it!!
> 
> I really liked writing this one wow. Also the influx of Willex prompts in my [tumblr](https://julie-and-the-himbo-ghosts.tumblr.com) inbox makes me so happy and excited y'all. This is the first time I've written more than one fic for a fandom before moving on so here's to more Willex content lmao
> 
> Title is from the song [Sane](https://open.spotify.com/track/6HMqyHzMEuhh9pt8wstcS3?si=m3dz4wT2T4-Dewn-p2-44g) by Meet Me @ The Altar because I've really been looking fora excuse to use this song I love it so much seriously y'all go listen to them right now
> 
> **Content warning:**  
>  This fic is pretty much all about Alex having a panic attack, so if that's something that's harmful to your mental health, please take care of yourself over reading this fic <3

Alex just stared at the Orpheum stage, twirling his drumsticks to match the anxiety building in him. They had to play the _Orpheum_ , a gig that took them _years_ and countless favours to get last time, in just a few days or they’d die. Or, well, “Cease to exist.” _Same difference._

A small _poof_ alerted him to the presence of another ghost, and he didn’t have to look to see who it was.

“Is this seat taken?”

Willie. Also the ghost that got them in this mess to begin with. He knew he should be annoyed, he should be mad, he should tell him _yes_ and poof away.

And yet.

He couldn’t bring himself to be any of those things. Because even though Willie was the one who got them in this whole mess, he was still _Willie_. Sweet, thoughtful, caring (and _cute_ , not to mention) Willie. Willie, the ghost that might've gotten them into this mess, but only because he wanted to help ~~him~~ them.

He let himself glance at Willie, and he was the most reserved he had ever seen him, his eyes downcast and the spark of what he could only describe as life was gone from his eyes. He tried to tell him _It’s okay_ and _I forgive you_ and _Please don’t leave again_ all in one look. Instead of speaking, he just shrugged, hoping that was enough.

“This whole thing sucks,” he said, in lieu of anything else. And hell, wasn’t that the understatement of the year? He could feel his anxiety building more and more, and it was getting harder and harder to push it down.

“Yeah, I messed up,” Willie said, and he looked at him again. 

“No, it’s like you said. It’s not like you had a choice. Caleb owns your _soul_.” There was only room for one in this anxiety-guilt spiral special, and hell if he let Willie muscle him out.

“No.” Willie took a sharp breath. “No, I _knew_ what Caleb could do, and I brought you guys to him anyway. When you asked me, I should’ve just skated away.”

He wanted to get it through Willie’s head that he didn’t blame him; he wanted to just hold his face in both hands and tell him _I forgive you_ until he listened. And yet, that probably wasn’t what was best for Willie at the moment, shockingly enough. “I still would have followed you,” he said softly, instead. Even then, his soft words were pretty much the exact opposite of what he was feeling inside. Not that he blamed Willie - he could never - but the guilt and anxiety were building and building and building inside of him and he was doing all he could to not just let it all flow out of his mouth and onto Willie. He knew, he _knew_ that there was no reason for the guilt or this much anxiety, but he also knew there was a reason they call it Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

“I would do _anything_ to take back what I did to you,” Willie said, and he didn’t doubt him for a second. He was going to say something stupid, like _You don’t have to, you’re enough_ or _I don’t care, I just care about you, a lot,_ but one of those increasingly inconvenient (or maybe _convenient_ , in this case) jolts wracked his body, worse than the ones before. It felt like someone was sticking a knife in his chest and then shocking him, and that did _not_ help the wave of anxiety building in him. He could see Willie’s face crumble, so he forced it down with the rest of it.

“I am _so_ sorry.” Willie sounded like he was going to crumble himself. “Did you guys ever figure out what your unfinished business is?”

_Their unfinished business._ He took a deep breath, and then another. He could do this. He could keep it together for a little bit, for Willie. “We have to play here. The Orpheum, the show we never got to play.” He could feel himself rambling, his breaths coming quicker and quicker, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. “We were _two hours_ away from playing here when we died, you know? This has to be our unfinished business. It has to be, because otherwise—” 

“Alex, are you okay?” He heard Willie ask, but it felt like his brain was somewhere else, away from their conversation. Willie’s voice sounded quiet and far away, while the sound of his heartbeat and his sharp intakes of breath were _loud_ and _pressuring_ and _suffocating,_ and shit, he couldn’t _breathe—_

Willie’s voice floated into his ears again. “Alex. Hey. Look at me. Focus on me, all right? Look at me.”

He forced himself to meet Willie’s eyes, and he saw Willie’s face soften. “Hey, there we are. Now, I need you to match your breaths with mine, okay? Ready? Breathe in through your nose for one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.” He matched Willie’s inhale, his breath shaky and weak compared to Willie’s purposeful, exaggerated breath. “And then out through your mouth for another one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.” He breathed out, a little more stable this time. “And again,” Willie prompted gently, his voice louder and clearer, and he did it again, his breaths even calmer this time. “And then one more time?” Willie’s voice sounded normal again, and he breathed in and out one more time, finally stabilizing his heartbeat and breathing.

“Are you all right?” Willie asked him softly as he said, “I’m sorry.” He could feel the tears building in his eyes.

He could see Willie’s face melt a little bit. “Do you want a hug?” He nodded, almost imperceptibly, and Willie pulled him in for a gentle hug. It wasn’t delicate, like he expected him to break, but soft, like he was being held and comforted. “You don’t ever have to apologize, Alex,” Willie whispered, his voice rough. “Not to me, okay?”

He buried his head into his shoulder, the tears falling down his face.

“We’ll figure this out, I promise,” Willie said, his voice still rough with emotion, but now with a steely resolve. They both just sat there, embracing each other, with Alex crying into Willie’s shoulder and Willie rubbing comforting circles into Alex’s.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading!! Maybe leave a kudos or a comment if you enjoyed?
> 
> Come scream about Willex and jatp on my [tumblr](https://julie-and-the-himbo-ghosts.tumblr.com), if you'd like.


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